Edina Segesdi talks about the significance of the postpartum period in the life of the whole family.

How would you define the postpartum period?

The first six weeks after giving birth, but in a broader sense it is the first year. Now we will talk about this first six weeks primarily but it is important to keep the first year period also in our minds.

What is the exact role of a helper in the postpartum period? How does she support the families?

What the helpers can offer varies according to their original professions. As a postpartum helper or a postpartum doula I provide physical and psychological help for the families. It could mean support during the first days or weeks after childbirth but I am available later, as well, depending on the personal help mothers can receive from their families. My role is to reduce uncertainties, to contribute to safety at home physically and psychologically. My task is to ensure for the mother and the baby to have the most pleasant and calmest period of time but it is also important to pay attention to the whole family and the relatives, as well. A family is being born during this period and I help them to experience this with all of its joy and hardship meanwhile staying balanced and in harmony. Attachment between mother and child, breastfeeding, taking care of a baby, baby carrying or sleeping are also among my tasks. Emotional rollercoaster, changes in the relationship of the couples, conflicts of roles between siblings or grandparents, even processing birth experiences – these are all challenges that families face with and I assist them to ease these. I give emotional support for the mothers and fathers and I can even take part in smaller housework. My help and my presence are completely individualized and can be shaped according to the needs and wishes of the given families.

How shall we picture your presence in the everyday life of a family?

I visit the family for 3-4-5 hours a day according to a previously agreed schedule and by initiating conversations, often only by listening, and also by providing physical work I try to ease their days. This is only possible if we get to know each other a little bit. Physical help means holding the baby while the mother has a shower, eats or looks after her older child. The babies’ biological need during the postpartum period is to feel the body contact, to be held, to be next to their mother as they were during the nine months of the pregnancy, when they could hear the heartbeat of their mums, her breathing, feel the constant movements and rocking. Even after being born babies wish to feel these in order to develop properly. It takes time to get used to this new world. And all this routine is really tiring on a 24 hour basis; this is why a helper might be useful. Nowadays we are usually alone, no one can take the baby. This is when a postpartum helper can offer support. Several questions arise in connection with childcare, breastfeeding and I give my best within the boundaries of my competence. While holding the babies, rocking them I just pay attention and offer support with my presence. Mothers and fathers have a lot of questions and uncertainties with which we can work with and find the families’ own solutions. I kindly take out the rubbish or collect paper tissues from the bedside but I do not have the time for bigger cleaning. I bring water or food for mums and dads to make sure that they can pay attention only to each other, to form their new family and family dynamics and to avoid unnecessary stress.

Why is it important to plan the postpartum period wisely and to ask for help?

Most families see their tasks and opportunities only until the birth of the baby. Postpartum period is not emphasized enough but nowadays improvements can be seen within the profession. Families usually can focus on only of giving birth, coming home from the hospital and they think the rest will figure itself out. Which is true but it does matter how we experience the first 6 weeks psychologically and physically. If we are not prepared for the changes in our bodies and souls, if we do not express the circumstances in which we can feel safe, if we are not aware what comes next, we can become desperate very quickly. When we are alone in this situation we will concentrate only on how to survive but this has an effect on our relationship with the baby, our experiences as newborn parents and our competences: can I take care of my baby? Am I doing it right? Am I capable to read the needs of my baby and react to those?

It is important to ask for help…

Nowadays society tends to tell you to solve everything alone. Most of us are reluctant to ask for help and only a few are in the situation to even realize they need support. When we get to the point to express this need, we face the next challenge of finding someone close to us who would be able to give a hand. Fathers could stay at home during the first 2 weeks if all goes well. Grandparents might work or are retired and cannot help due to their health conditions or the distance, or the relationship between the parents and the grandparents is not the best. Friends have their own lives, we do not want to disturb them either. This is how the process of asking for help becomes easily impossible.

How can you turn this period to be more balanced for the baby and for the parents?

During the first 6 weeks several things happen within the baby and also within the mother and father. The mother’s physical state has changed utterly since she gave birth. Her body took care automatically of several processes during pregnancy, but after birth mother and baby need to figure those out in a big union. During the nine months the body of the mum kept the baby alive, made them grow, secured them soft warmness, constant rocking, food and drinks, the baby could listen to the mother’s heartbeat and voice and they had body contact. In the last months even the inner organs of the mother surrounded closely the baby, offering safety naturally 24 hours a day. After birth suddenly everything changes. Babies have to take breaths, their digestive system starts to work, they are hungry, thirsty, they need to do something to get food, and it does not come automatically. Babies face several new stimuli, at the same time they miss body contact and rocking, which calms them. A bridge is needed between these two very different worlds to ensure the smooth transition for the baby and also for the mother, since up until giving birth her body took care of everything automatically but now she needs to react physically and satisfy the needs of her baby. This bridge would be the postpartum period, the gentle transition, finding harmony and this lasts at least 6 weeks. This is a 24-hour duty for the mother physically and emotionally. Fathers also have remarkable roles during this time. Constant giving and constant open behavior is really tiring physically and emotionally. No one has to deal with such duty before the birth of a baby. We do not have experiences, or models to follow.

Let’s mention some hardships that mothers not always expect…

I do not think that you can prepare for everything but having the information about certain situations could help to form strategies. A given issue can be less frightening if we have heard or talked about it. The upcoming tasks we need to solve are usually multiple. I would rather skip emotional changes and hormones, only talk about practical matters. For example having problems with breastfeeding or this being not as easy as mums imagined before – putting the baby on their breast and they will eat. Most cases are more difficult than that. Small slips might be possible. Being aware of the fact that this could be more complex I will not think about myself doing it wrong, being a bad mother not capable of breastfeeding, or suppose my baby is not smart enough; I am aware that this may be a “slip” and call the lactation specialist with whom I established contact during my pregnancy. Another example: mother is alone at home with her baby, she cannot take a shower or eat and her day becomes timeless while she realizes she is really tired. Being exhausted she cannot take care of the baby sensitively enough since her own basic needs are not being met. In this case fathers could only see a crying baby, an exhausted mum, whose self-esteem is really low, because she feels she could not manage their day. But that is not the case!

How shall we picture a “good plan” for the postpartum period?

For mums postpartum period shall be about resting, eating, spending time with the baby, recognizing the baby’s signs, breastfeeding, getting to know each other; mother’s soul is growing stronger, she finds safety, becomes competent and her physical body recovers into the state that preceded pregnancy and giving birth. The whole recovery takes one year. But to achieve this they should not be left alone. Someone should be there for the mother to talk to, to share her thoughts, questions, pleasure, who cares for the mother and gives a hand in household chores. Mothers and babies need the same thing during the first 6 weeks: caring, attention, full service and someone to keep company. It would be important to be able to ask for help, to know who is competent; this ensures safety. Friends can bring food, for example, so mums do not have to deal with cooking between two nursing. Or at least there should be somebody who puts the food in front of me because it might be in the fridge but I cannot warm it up. Time just flies somehow… Who will do the shopping? Who will take the baby when I want to have a shower? Or there is a bigger child in the family. What happens with him or her? How is it possible to be a mum of both children? How will I have time for the other one while constantly meeting the baby’s needs? How will I manage 2 kids? Or how will we go to the playground? And these are very simple situations with which we need help. Several other different topics will arise during this period, which is full of beautiful wonders and surprises, that are worth to pay attention to, in order to experience this first few weeks in their unrepeatable and beautiful way to give us strength for the next 2-3 years.

Sign in to the „Hangolodó” program at this link!